The One That Got Away

This rainbow trout looks and tastes like salmon when opened up. Best catch ever.

DO YOU have that one person in your past who you will always remember? The person who met and adored the younger you? The person you had wanted to impress badly so you learned the guitar intro of More than Words? The person you dedicated a full mp3 playlist folder for? The person who belongs in your mental compartment labeled as the one that got away? The one individual whose name has been a metonym for "sayang*"?

I think all of us may have. For some of us, it may not be in the form of a human being, but in an idea, a dream or a vision of what might have been, one which time and fate did not bring to fruition. Your past's almost-there's and your present's what-if's.

It was the summer of 1995 and we were vacationing at our cousin's place. Back then, outdoor activities and street games were a hit among kids our age. We would bask in the warmth of the afternoon sun riding bicycles and gliding on roller blades. We would write on pavements and asphalts with colored chalks and play hopscotch, and would stop only when we hear the clang clang of an approaching dirty ice cream cart. All the kids had funny-sounding nicknames. Except for Eric. He looked different, too. He didn't have those red rubber bands on his wrist or dirty flip-flops. And he didn't smell like the sun. He actually looked like he smelled nice. So we hung out almost every day, just the two of us, talking about everything we know. He would buy me Chippy and soft drinks in transparent plastics with straw. We would ride his bike before dinner. He would sit on the main seat while I stood behind him holding onto his shoulders while stepping on the two opposite protruding metals of the back tire. We both agreed that it was the best time of our life. And then it's time to go. It was almost June and school was about to start. I went home with a long face and a broken heart. I was 11.

Fast forward to several years later and that young love and summer what-if would come back again, but morphed into something less childish, less innocent and more...scarring. The one(s) that got away left me wondering what purpose do they serve in my life. Would it have led to a different outcome if I had tried harder? If I were just a little bit prettier? If I were passionate enough? If we had met in another place and time? If I had known what I knew now?

Jesse: I mean, all - everything is so finite. But don't you think that that's what makes our time, at specific moments, so important?  

Celine: Yeah, I know. It's the same for us, tonight, though. After tomorrow morning, we're probably never going to see each other again, right? We, maybe we should try something different. I mean, it’s no so bad if tonight is our only night, right? People always exchange phone numbers, addresses, they end up writing once, calling each other once or twice…

Jesse: Right. Fizzles out. Yeah, I mean, I don’t want that. I hate that.
- from the movie, Before Sunrise

All these wedding preparations I've been doing have somehow led me to this introspection. Perhaps the ones that got away remain what they are because that's the only way we can handle them. Perhaps the one (great love, best dream, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity) that got away was not allowed to stay for the sake of our sanity and safety. Perhaps the one that got away got away because it has already served its time.

The younger us are oftentimes reckless and volatile; growing up has made us more careful and calculating. And looking back at those faraway memories, layered with the banality of the present, we find excitement in finding an ending to those promising beginnings. But I believe some beginnings don't need endings. Just because. And maybe some beginnings end because they are supposed to, by virtue of free will or changing seasons.

Yes, there are times when we should - we must- chase after a dream and pursue a burning passion, but there are also times when we need to learn when to move forward.

What though the radiance which was once so bright           
Be now for ever taken from my sight,                   
Though nothing can bring back the hour               
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;                     
We will grieve not, rather find                     
Strength in what remains behind...
- Ode, William Wordsworth

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: 
A time to be born and a time to die,     
A time to plant and a time to uproot,     
A time to kill and a time to heal,     
A time to tear down and a time to build, 
A time to weep and a time to laugh,     
A time to mourn and a time to dance, 
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,     
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up...  
What do workers gain from their toil? 
I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 
He has made everything beautiful in its time.

          - Ecclesiastes 3

 
*English: regret