Blighted Ovum: My Miscarriage Story

I WAS PREGNANT, but only for a little while. My baby stopped developing after five weeks, and my ultrasound revealed an empty sac.

Just a couple of weeks after my birthday, I received the best gift ever- a missed period and two bright red lines on the test stick. Lyubo and I were over the moon! We've been trying to conceive for 12 cycles so this pregnancy is truly a much-awaited one.

I was scheduled to go to my OB the following week for a routine check-up, but after finding out about my condition, the doctor ordered a series of blood tests to monitor my hCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) levels. She was expecting for the numbers to double in two to three days but mine only doubled after a week. She then predicted that there would be a problem.

Anxious but hopeful, we went for an ultrasound two weeks later. As I lay on my back facing the poker-faced sonographer while she probed my retroverted uterus, excitement came over me. This is it! We're going to see the little peanut. I was imagining how I'd look with a baby bump, but the sonographer's voice interrupted my reverie, "I can't see anything."

They said that maybe our calculations were wrong and that I was not that far along yet. We were asked to go for another ultrasound. Days went by filled with worry. Except for the bloating and minor cramping, I was feeling good; no pain and spotting at all. A part of me was hoping that our calculations were indeed wrong and that the embryo would be visible on the second ultrasound, but another part of me has begun grieving.

The second ultrasound showed that nothing had changed except for an 8-mm growth of my gestational sac. No baby still. I was gutted. This was supposed to be a birthday gift from God and yet it was snatched from me before I had the opportunity to enjoy it. I felt God betrayed me, big time.

Slowly, the pregnancy symptoms started to go away. I woke up one day and my breasts were no longer sore. The cramping also subsided and my flatulence were not as frequent anymore. It was as if my body was telling me that it's time to move on.

My OB asked us to go to the Women's Health Centre for our "next steps". The nurse told us that there were increasing early pregnancy issues and women like me didn't know where to go so they set up this clinic to help address those issues. I was shocked to learn that my case is relatively common in North America.

This time, instead of a technician, two doctors performed the ultrasound. One was operating the machine while the other analysed and explained what the monochrome images meant. After several weeks my gestational sac changed shape, and as the younger doctor probed deeper, they saw what appeared to be remnants of a blastocyst. The senior doctor explained that the fertilized egg stopped developing probably because of some chromosomal abnormality or due to a random error during the cell-division process. My body recognized this abnormality so it stopped the pregnancy at an early stage.
 

Now that we have a definite conclusion to my case, I was given three options for miscarriage treatments. I'd initially wanted to just wait for the tissue to pass naturally, but after consultations with different doctors, Lyubo and I decided that a D&C (Dilation and Curettage) would be best for my body.

A week later, we were in the same clinic and being prepared for my major uterine invasion. I was heavily drugged but conscious when the doctor performed the procedure. I felt the pressure of my cramping pelvis but I was floating in the clouds so it didn't bother me so much. It lasted for less than five minutes. Before I knew it, I was being clothed by the nurse. She then measured my blood pressure, heart rate, and oxygen level. She smiled at me and said, "You did great!" My husband kissed me and said, "You're a hero."

I don't consider myself a hero. I know a lot of women out there have experienced far greater suffering, loss, and calamity than I have. But during this whole ordeal, I learned that I'm stronger than I think I am, and that the real heroes are my nurse, Adium (BC Women's Hospital) and my husband.

She was very attentive, compassionate, and caring. From giving food and medicines, to answering our repetitive questions; from putting a hot compress to my retaliating abdomen, to helping me get dressed in winter clothes, every act of her service is sincere and voluntary.

Oh and what can I say about my better half?! He is truly heaven-sent. When I was questioning God, he reminded me that His will always prevails. After each disappointing ultrasound, he bought my favourite treats to cheer me up. While on the D&C chair with legs wide open, I felt his hand gently stroking my cheeks which gave me a lot of comfort. He gave me feminine pads whenever I needed to change. I felt God's (kilig-inducing) love through my husband!

As I shed the protective cavity that my body had built for my lost baby, I marvel at its healing ability and thank the Lord for what was lost and what was gained. I've experienced pain but I've also experienced grace and favour. Pocketed within those moments of our grief and doubting are peace in the present and hope for the future- pretty much what Christmas is all about. 🎄






 

Romans 1 Paraphrase

 As we start our BSF study on Romans, I was inspired to write a poem...
 
When ocean waves crash onto shore
When wildlife thrive in holes and burrows
When autumn leaves start to fall
We know there is God

When the sun rises each day that comes
When life-giving air fills our lungs
When our eyes see beauty in millions of pixels
When we taste snowflakes with our tongues
We know there is God

When spring rains make flowers bloom
When a bride marries her groom
When an embryo forms in a mother's womb
We know there is God

When man makes castles from stones
When the sky paints stars and rainbows
When tomorrow is always untold
We know there is God 🌈

When darkness turns to light
When grace replaces guilt
When love covers sin
When faith quenches wrath
We know there is God.     


Postscript by cousin Aileen Dujon:
 
When a neighbor greets you with a smile
When a stranger helps you from afar
When good men stand up against injustice and war
We know there is God

And even if all these fail to exist
And hope is all there is
We know there is God

10 Lessons I've Learned in My First Year in Business

THIS MONTH MARKS MY FIRST YEAR IN BUSINESS. I remember the desire to venture into entrepreneurship came last 2014 while working as a marketer in Sydney. Since I was working for a small company, I needed to take multiple roles, not just marketing and advertising but also business development, while managing a small offshore call center for the company. After a tiring day, I realized then that it would be more rewarding if I could channel all my efforts at work into something that's my own.

Fast forward to two years later, I was a ball of nerves as I registered my business name and designed my very own logo! I didn't have a background in business or finance; my skills and competency lie in the liberal arts. Taking the plunge to being an entrepreneur without much guidance seemed like I was feeling my way in the dark. But they say that experience is the best teacher. That one year of groping and playing by ear taught me a few things about business, the market, and how to make my ideas work. I'm just a home business or a micro-enterprise, as what they call it, but I'm learning, growing, and enjoying this opportunity to create. 

Photo by Lyubomir Kubadinov

Lesson 1 - Start small.

When I started, I wanted to do a lot of things all at once but learned that I needed to filter my ideas and work only with the best top three. Starting small enables us to focus and execute with precision. Sure, we need to dream big but when you're a small business, starting with a few available resources and with what you can manage allows you to be more efficient and to respond on time when a problem occurs.

Lesson 2 - Networking and partnerships may not bring direct sales but they can lead you to one.

I didn't receive instant sales upon joining bridal fairs and partnering with other vendors, but networking has boosted my confidence as a novice entrepreneur and has given me the avenue to practice my sales pitch and receive valuable feedback.

Lesson 3 - Get inspiration but develop your own identity.

When I conceived the idea behind Jules and Joy Gifts, I checked if other people were doing the same. Sure enough, a few had the same concept (but not locally, though)! I initially felt disappointed but then realized that I can learn and receive a lot of inspiration from those existing similar businesses. The first few products I launched were inspired by some of theirs. I added my personal style and focused on providing a more intimate and needs-based customer service. As a result, I was able to develop my signature products out of those initial ones which were inspired by the businesses that started before me.

Photo by Summer Rayne

Lesson 4 - Mistakes are part of the game.

I began operation with countless mistakes. I mentally scolded and kicked myself every time supplies got wasted because of my errors and lapses. My husband encouraged me to reboot and move forward. Looking back, I know some of those mistakes were necessary so I could be aware of my limitations and build foresight. 

Lesson 5- Invest in yourself.

You are your business' greatest asset. Take time not just to study but also to play and rest. In my case, the times when I'm well rested are the times I'm inspired to create. Yes, I did go to finance workshops, attended small business seminars, and watched tutorials, but I also went to painting classes just for fun.

Lesson 6 - Seek new or alternative channels.

Don't be afraid to collaborate even with your presumed competitors. The more avenues in which your products are made available, the more you profit.

Lesson 7 - Many choices confuse customers.

Analyzing the history of my sales, I found one conspicuous trend - customers often choose the simple and the basic. When you offer too many options, like designs, add-ons, and instructions, many of them get confused and lose interest. It's always better to show them the basics and provide options only when they ask.

Lesson 8 - Never fail to communicate.

I've proven that customers don't want to be left in the dark. They want information in every stage of the selling process. There was a time I messed up and I pondered overnight on whether I should inform the customer what happened or just be silent until I fixed the problem. I decided to be honest and update the customer. She appreciated the effort and gave me a good review!

Lesson 9 - Be patient.

I received my very first sale two months after I launched; the second one a month after. It started slow at the beginning but picked up after six months. I broke even in less than a year. Not all businesses are the same though. Some take off instantly, while others take time to grow. Allow some time to get noticed and don't lose hope right away.

Lesson 10 - Celebrate small victories.

One of my guiding principles in life came from 1 Thessalonians, "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Every sale made and every target hit are opportunities for me to be grateful. More than the numbers, knowing that I made a bride happy or helped someone with a gifting need assures me I'm on the right track. And that calls for a celebration. =)

I didn't include other lessons in this list, like calculating profit margin, developing a website, or advertising on social media. These things can be learned through text books and the internet. Some valuable lessons we'll learn in business can only be obtained through first-hand experience.