The Church is Where I Always Get Offended

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  Coming to Singapore alone for work could be pretty tough. So one of the first things I did a few years back was look for a church. I've seen and experienced the importance of having a spiritual family back in my church in Manila, and my being away from home had made me want to belong in one all the more.

Finding good friends in church is one of the best things that happened to me here. They have been a great help (still are) and a source of strength and encouragement in all aspects of my life. I consider myself so blessed to be surrounded by faithful people who love and serve God with their all.

But it's been ironic and kind of disenchanting to realize that an organization of people with the same values and faith, one that is supposed to model unity and reflect harmony to the rest of the community could be the same group of people who have the power to hurt you the most. Sad to say but I've often been a recipient of what I'd like to think unintentional offenses by people who I dearly love and look up to. Bashes of hurtful words were sometimes thrown at one another with a nonchalant air as if they were harmless ideas just for the sake of "speaking our minds". I can accept open rebuke of blatant sins against the ten commandments, but when judgments are easily made against certain actions that are not necessarily wrong in themselves sans the motives that are wrapped in them, I believe that being legalistic isn't going to be the right way to freedom. There were times when I would find myself crying out to God feeling condemned, misunderstood and heartbroken.

At first, I had thought that maybe I was setting a "different" standard for people in the church and for those who have yet to believe. I told myself that perhaps the reason why we are not very patient with one another is because having been saved by the blood of Christ, we are now expecting our actions towards one another to be beyond reproach. I also blamed myself for being so sensitive and for not being gracious enough. I tried to research more about this concern and it turned out that I'm not the only one. The world wide web is replete with articles and blogs about being offended by people in the Church. There are even books that talk about it.

If I can't be myself in the church, warts and all, be accepted and receive the same kind of grace that Jesus extended to the Samaritan woman, then where else can I be accepted?

Please don't misunderstand me now, my dear readers. I love my church so much. I think it's the coolest church in all Singapore. I'm not giving up on it and its people. After all, I'm very much a part of it just as a toenail is a part of the entire human body. And if I really want to be like Christ, who being spotless and blameless, loved the Church and gave up His life for her (Ephesians 5:25), I must do the same. But I'm also learning that this kind of love is not about showing grace and kindness to people who dress well, who think like I do, who are rich in material things, who help you in times of trouble, who say the right things, who have memorized the Bible from cover to cover, who are reeking of 'holy' fragrance.

I like what John Mark MacMillan said about God's love -

"...not a pretty, clean, it's not a Hollywood, hot-pink love. It's a kind of love that's willing to love things that are messy and willing to love even the difficult and sort of kinda gross kind of things..."

I hope I can love like that. I  hope all of us in Church can love like that. (Philippians 4:13)

In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, love.   - St. Augustine


P.S. To you whom I have offended (or if you've been offended by the Church), please accept my sincere apologies. I hope you'll see through the mess of me, of us, of the church and right into the beauty of the Cross, where the Author of Love was crucified so all of us may be deserving of God's pure, authentic and healing love.