The One That Got Away

This rainbow trout looks and tastes like salmon when opened up. Best catch ever.

DO YOU have that one person in your past who you will always remember? The person who met and adored the younger you? The person you had wanted to impress badly so you learned the guitar intro of More than Words? The person you dedicated a full mp3 playlist folder for? The person who belongs in your mental compartment labeled as the one that got away? The one individual whose name has been a metonym for "sayang*"?

I think all of us may have. For some of us, it may not be in the form of a human being, but in an idea, a dream or a vision of what might have been, one which time and fate did not bring to fruition. Your past's almost-there's and your present's what-if's.

It was the summer of 1995 and we were vacationing at our cousin's place. Back then, outdoor activities and street games were a hit among kids our age. We would bask in the warmth of the afternoon sun riding bicycles and gliding on roller blades. We would write on pavements and asphalts with colored chalks and play hopscotch, and would stop only when we hear the clang clang of an approaching dirty ice cream cart. All the kids had funny-sounding nicknames. Except for Eric. He looked different, too. He didn't have those red rubber bands on his wrist or dirty flip-flops. And he didn't smell like the sun. He actually looked like he smelled nice. So we hung out almost every day, just the two of us, talking about everything we know. He would buy me Chippy and soft drinks in transparent plastics with straw. We would ride his bike before dinner. He would sit on the main seat while I stood behind him holding onto his shoulders while stepping on the two opposite protruding metals of the back tire. We both agreed that it was the best time of our life. And then it's time to go. It was almost June and school was about to start. I went home with a long face and a broken heart. I was 11.

Fast forward to several years later and that young love and summer what-if would come back again, but morphed into something less childish, less innocent and more...scarring. The one(s) that got away left me wondering what purpose do they serve in my life. Would it have led to a different outcome if I had tried harder? If I were just a little bit prettier? If I were passionate enough? If we had met in another place and time? If I had known what I knew now?

Jesse: I mean, all - everything is so finite. But don't you think that that's what makes our time, at specific moments, so important?  

Celine: Yeah, I know. It's the same for us, tonight, though. After tomorrow morning, we're probably never going to see each other again, right? We, maybe we should try something different. I mean, it’s no so bad if tonight is our only night, right? People always exchange phone numbers, addresses, they end up writing once, calling each other once or twice…

Jesse: Right. Fizzles out. Yeah, I mean, I don’t want that. I hate that.
- from the movie, Before Sunrise

All these wedding preparations I've been doing have somehow led me to this introspection. Perhaps the ones that got away remain what they are because that's the only way we can handle them. Perhaps the one (great love, best dream, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity) that got away was not allowed to stay for the sake of our sanity and safety. Perhaps the one that got away got away because it has already served its time.

The younger us are oftentimes reckless and volatile; growing up has made us more careful and calculating. And looking back at those faraway memories, layered with the banality of the present, we find excitement in finding an ending to those promising beginnings. But I believe some beginnings don't need endings. Just because. And maybe some beginnings end because they are supposed to, by virtue of free will or changing seasons.

Yes, there are times when we should - we must- chase after a dream and pursue a burning passion, but there are also times when we need to learn when to move forward.

What though the radiance which was once so bright           
Be now for ever taken from my sight,                   
Though nothing can bring back the hour               
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;                     
We will grieve not, rather find                     
Strength in what remains behind...
- Ode, William Wordsworth

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: 
A time to be born and a time to die,     
A time to plant and a time to uproot,     
A time to kill and a time to heal,     
A time to tear down and a time to build, 
A time to weep and a time to laugh,     
A time to mourn and a time to dance, 
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,     
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up...  
What do workers gain from their toil? 
I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 
He has made everything beautiful in its time.

          - Ecclesiastes 3

 
*English: regret

I'm So Filthy Rich!

 

My mini and me.... (I kid!)

OUR family has never been rich. I remember back in grade school, we lived in a one-bedroom apartment and I used to sleep in a bug-infested couch. While my classmates from this private Chinese school I attended spent their weekends in the mall watching movies or shopping, my sister and I were stuck in our house trying to entertain ourselves. We could only afford to buy new clothes and shoes once a year - during Christmas; and for our birthdays, we were treated to a Goldilocks cake and homemade spaghetti with hotdogs.

It wasn’t that life was hard and we needed to borrow money all the time to survive, but when you were surrounded by people who had more, you somehow believed that you were in lack.

Eventually we were able to make it through university, thanks to my parents’ and God’s provision, but all those time without having any excess. Our fridge would oftentimes contain only ice and dried vegetables, no leftovers. Shortly after graduation, I decided to work overseas for a couple of reasons, and one of them was to have more than of what I could earn at home. Suddenly I found myself in the 3rd richest country per capita, a place where materialism is inevitable. Yet, despite the wealth, it appeared to me that most people I met did not seem fulfilled. 

While I was there, I was not able to accumulate a massive amount of wealth, but I found my greatest treasure. I understood and witnessed how God loves me and has been taking care of me all those years I was oblivious to His love. Apologies for sounding corny but that is just the truth. He has given me confidence and peace. His Word has given me wisdom, courage and comfort. His Spirit has convicted me and made me aware of my wrongs.

Sure, now we are no longer struggling like before and food is plenty, but I am still what you would call average and middle class. I don’t own properties and I am not even close to being famous, but life becomes sweeter and more abundant when you know who’s making your sun shine. When you experience redemption and grace, you would not exchange it for anything, not even for a billion bucks. =)

“Comparison is the thief of joy”. Theodore Roosevelt

“May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians 3:19

The Paradox of Salt

I have always underestimated the value of salt to people. Perhaps because it is so ordinary and normal. Salt is ubiquitous yet oftentimes invisible. It is a vital component to almost all industries and compounds, but it never gets emphasized nor is given credit as a standalone ingredient. You wouldn't say that a dish is delicious because it is salty. In fact on its own, salt can't be too useful.

Salt needs to be rubbed into raw meat to tenderize it. It needs to be poured on thick snow to melt the dangerous ice. It needs to be sprinkled on a dish to make it more palatable. Salt needs to be added in water to clean and detoxify. Unlike a diamond that sparkles and is valuable on its own, salt is most useful when it becomes inconspicuous. Salt is best seen when it is not seen.

This mineral, the only rock that we eat, the thing that's in the ocean and in our tears, is used by Jesus to describe Christians. I am reminded that like the humble salt, we must influence and be useful to others without drawing attention to ourselves.

Two properties of salt that we must emulate:
1. Consistency and Immutability - Nowadays we don't treat loyalty as an admirable trait. Society prefers intelligence and skillfulness over faithfulness. But if we are to be like salt, we don't need to be perfect and multitalented; we just need to show up. No matter what.

2. Solubility - As seawater becomes salty because of the dissolved salt, so must the people around us be influenced positively because of the way we live.

from tv.heavenlycall.com

Three practical ways to live as salt, seen yet unseen:
1. Live a palatable life. 
Are you adding value to the world/community through your ability to bring blessing?

2. Bring peace.
Do you easily lose your cool or do you pursue peaceful conversations?

3. Live to purify. 
Do you work to restore families and bring healing to relationships?

There are more than 14,000 uses of salt. Which ones will we choose to be?

8 Things I Love About Sydney (So Far)

EIGHT months of living in Australia has been awesome! I'm really grateful for the opportunity to experience life down here, where beer is like coffee/tea (they drink in the morning and for afternoon breaks), where the sports capital of the world is located (Melbourne), where I was referred to as 'mate', and where I was introduced to the most interesting jam I've ever tasted.

Photo by Anna Hwatz on Flickr

Here are my eight reasons why I love this place.

Quality of Air
In New South Wales (the state where Sydney is), the average daily air quality index is around 30 which is rated as very good. The city streets and the suburbs are lined with giant trees, that's why I always look forward to walks in the parks and to waking up to the smell of fresh air. Malinamnam ang hangin!

A Mix of The Old and the New
Bilib na bilib ako sa mga architects and engineers who created the buildings and common places in Sydney. Some of the architecture here were built in the 1800s but they are still functional and well restored. In downtown Sydney, you will notice that modern and ancient architecture stand side by side that for a moment you'd get confused as to which era you belong, but for me this gives it a certain vibe of cultural and artistic dissonance that I appreciate so much.

Multiculturalism
Refugees, migrants, students, and holiday visa workers are all welcome here. I've met a couple of Europeans and Asians who quit their full time corporate jobs and decided to come here to work in a farm sorting potatoes! How cool is that?

Hillsong Church
Holding services in a converted warehouse in the city (as well as other campuses), this church has raised up great leaders and made impactful worship songs that have attracted a huge following. Ibang klase lang talaga how they make songs that seem to echo what your heart wants to say in a prayer.
They have a new setup for Saturday night services, called Keeping It Real where speakers, instead of preaching, form a panel to discuss a common issue/struggle/problem they have encountered and how they became victorious afterwards. This new series is the most authentic, practical and enlightening service I can get.

My BSF Group
One thing I really look forward to every Monday is going to our Bible study group. The insights I receive every week from the grandmas and the younger fellow believers are tremendous. BSF is an international organization that teaches the Bible for free. They give us free reading materials to help us digest and reflect on a book of the Bible and apply it in our daily lives.
What I really admire about the grandmas in our group is their humility, wisdom and gentleness. I always find myself leaning in every time they give their answers to the 7-day questions.  

Double-decked Trains
OK, I know not all countries can have large railway tracks, that's why Sydney is lucky to have a large space for them. Their trains are massive and they have two levels of passenger area. Although the intervals of train arrivals are longer here (10-15 minutes during peak hours), commuting for me is still such a comfortable experience.

Fresh Produce
My tummy is always having a feast! Australia is undoubtedly blessed with rich and fruitful soil. I have not been to the farms but seeing the variety of fresh produce being offered in the market (and also by watching the telly),  I can tell that the land is very fertile. These are the average prices of some of my favorite food to eat:
1. Rocket, 1kg = $3
2. Raspberries per pack = $5
3. Brocolli = $2
4. Ground Beef, 500g = $3
5. Hass Avocado = $2
6. Truss Tomato = $1.20
7. Brushed Potatoes, 1kg = $2.33

Photo from ABC net

I also like that the groceries here have self-checkout counters for express shopping. Saya!

Winter Spring Summer and Fall
Since June, I've always come home to darkness. I knock off at 5.30 and my house is 10 minutes away from the office. But just yesterday, when I left work at 6, I was treated to an amazing sunset ushering the coming of spring. It is such a magnificent feeling to witness the changing of seasons. Now my closet has been compartmentalized, one section for winter/autumn and the other for spring/summer ("and I have an additional excuse for more shoes"- Lyubo), and certain activities are set aside for more season-appropriate ones. As a girl from the tropics, I find this quite a big deal. Now I finally understand it when they say "seasons of life". :-p

Thanks for reading! =)

Don't just be a pretty face.

"What came into existence was Life,
    and the Life was Light to live by.
The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness;
    the darkness couldn’t put it out."

                                                             - John 1 

8 Things I Love About Disney's "Frozen"

I have not written in a while, so apologies to my three avid readers. But the movie Frozen motivated me to write again. Here are the reasons why I give it five stars:

1. The movie reinforces my love for poems, songs, anything that rhymes, and in the belief that music sweetens life. LSS: Do you want to build a snow man? ;-)

2. It teaches us that love at first sight is a myth. Sure, you can get physically attracted to and be smitten by someone who got swager at first encounter, but only time will reveal what that person is made of when the blings and glitter of infatuation fade away.

3. It reminds me that God gifted us with unique personalities and special talents that we must harness. At first we may think that they may be a liability instead of an asset, but when we begin to let go of fear and insecurities then we start to realize that we have the power to be great and do great things.

4. It shows us that self-control is a strength and never a weakness. If you have self-control, you are strong, wise and a person of good character.

5. True friends (Some people) are worth melting for. So said my favorite snow man named Olaf.

6. It tells us that warmth draws people in, so it's better to be a ray of sunshine than a drop of ice.

7. It removes the stereotype of a prince saving a princess. It's about time we stop teaching girls to wait for their prince to save them. In the real world, we are responsible for our own lives and the people who depend on us. Damsels in distress are so last century! Ladies, remember that we have it in ourselves to make a difference on our own strength.

8. Its theme reveals to us that an act of true love is sacrificial, selfless and may not necessarily be romantic at all.

What about you? What did you like about the movie? =)

it's always like springtime with You

Your light is breaking through the dark...
This is what You do - You make me come alive.
❤